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Humour Poems

How Did I Get So Fat?

July 18, 2018
How did I get so fat

Talk to most women and they will tell you they have been on a diet at some time in their life if not all through their life.  The battle of the bulge, thunder thighs and ‘does my bum look big in this’ are all too familiar.

Move more and eat less they say and I guess this does ring true but honestly ladies, who can resist a nice piece of chocolate cake with a big dollop of cream on the side, not me!

 

HOW DID I GET SO FAT?

I’m looking in the mirror and I can’t believe my eyes
Who is this woman staring back as big as two pork pies!
However did this happen as it seems like yesterday
When I was just a skinny thing so I don’t know what to say

Maybe it was childbirth that made me get this way
Or maybe it was all the food that I had in a day
The soda and the french fries and the bag of sweets at night
Cherry flavoured ice cream I ate everything in sight

I really must do something as I’m just a tub of lard
I know it won’t be easy and I know it will be hard
I’ve tried a lot of diets from Atkins to South Beach
I’ve read a lot of diet books but didn’t practice what they preach

I really only lasted a day or two if that
I gave up way too early so that’s why I am so fat
But now it is a new day and I’m going to make a start
I’ll exercise and eat good food and be kind to my heart

I’ll toss out all the junk food and my fridge will get a clean
Only fresh will be the best to get my body lean
No more will I be tempted by doughnuts filled with cream
Or sausages with cheese inside they’ll only be a dream

I’ll do a million push ups and a five mile walk will do
I’ll get this body moving to shift a pound or two
But wait, there’s someone knocking and a familiar voice I hear
It’s my neighbour Mrs Archibald who really is a dear

A plate of peanut cookies and banana muffins too
Chocolate covered caramels I don’t know what to do
I really must resist them and not one shall pass my lips
Each one a thousand calories will end up on my hips

They all look so delicious and as fresh as fresh can be
I really must resist them because one will end up three
My mind is saying turn away and never to look back
But my tastebuds are saying … go on it’s just a snack

And like so many days before when I should stand my ground
I’m reaching for a caramel and hear a munching sound
I really had the best intent to melt the pounds away
So all I have to say right now …. is tomorrow’s another day!

 

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